Illusionistical

Chaos

Posted by: Shelly on: November 7, 2008

At the last note of the crickets’ faithful serenade to the moon and before the swallow’s dutiful morning call to the sun, a pair of eyes opened to reveal two large white orbs glowing on the black dusty roads against a soot darkened face. Only now did she allow herself to take full breaths of air and relax her body against the ground she had so desperately clung to the night before, in hopes that if she had pressed her body down with enough strength, clenched her eyes shut with enough might and prayed to the heavens with enough devotion, the bullets could never penetrate her.

She lifted herself from the ground slower than a sloth, arms trembling and heart throbbing; against the will of a mind now so deranged and filled with fear that it no longer had a say in her actions. Why she was now standing, she could not explain. Her lone, sickly silhouette blended with the battered, burnt trees in the background as her ribcage rose and fell against the navy-blue sky. At her feet lay at least thirty more blackened bodies of children resembling what her monthly copy of National Geographic used to call “refugees”, except now there existed no photographers to capture their woes and no nonprofit activist groups to care. Although she did not have the faintest who these children were, and could not confirm whether they were the ones she ran with the day before, she knew they were most likely one and the same. She could tell by their tensed muscles and flickering eyelids that they were still dreaming of an end to their nightmarish reality. They would soon see that the charred grounds of their city, ransacked and burned twice over, was never going to be the sanctuary that would return to them lives that their parents spoke of; lives of small pastel colored houses on roads with flower gardens and a small white fence, and your very own set of friendly neighbors to wave to in the mornings.

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The Blood of Coal 4

Posted by: Shelly on: July 13, 2007

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

The next morning, the boy found that he was not himself, but a new boy.

A new boy who ate his breakfast with the rest of the family and not only waved good-bye to his father as he left for work, but even gave him a hug. He was a boy who played catch with his older brother, who was still very much not dead, and helped his older sister in her audition for a commercial for a family product. That day he was a boy who reminded his mother of her lyrics when she sang and even helped her put on her mud mask for the day. He did not even as much as walk past the front living room, the one with the family couch, the wide flat-screen plasma TV, and the newly made chip in the wall.

Oh yes, he was a new boy. A new boy that had asked to play with his friends at the park that afternoon. Friends that their shallow minds would not know he didn’t have, at a park that they didn’t know had been turned into a McDonald’s earlier in the year. He was lucky, this new boy. His new family did not venture out into the local area of their town, the local area that they did not personally own, the local area whose houses were molding and whose money was dampened with the sweat of the working class.

A new boy that only needed an excuse to get out of the house to buy a lighter.

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The Blood of Coal 3

Posted by: Shelly on: July 13, 2007

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

The maids had rushed into the room and he could tell from the heavy, fake sobs behind him that his banshee of a mother was standing on the stairs, most likely still with her half-dried mud mask on her face. But the boy could not spare even one brain cell to worry about anyone else, nor did he have the time to control his racing heart. His eyes frantically searched the television screen for his father, but to no avail. with each new clip being shown, the boy crossed his fingers and prayed silently to God to let one of the men being put onto stretchers be his father. He needed to see that one of those men was his father. He needed to see that he was still alive, he needed to know that he would be saved, he needed to know that his father was not already with his brother and grandparents.

Hours had passed, and the boy remained in front of the television without having moved a muscle. Thankfully, he had remembered to continue breathing before he passed out. In the background, the maids shuffled anxiously around while trying to busy themselves with something other than getting in the way. He tried his best to ignore the shrill voice of his banshee mother as she screeched and screamed into the phone, trying to get a hold of her husband — a man the boy wished he would not have to see on television that night.

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The Blood of Coal 2

Posted by: Shelly on: July 13, 2007

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

It had been four months since the boy was able to last spot his father on any of the local news channels, no matter how long he sat in front of the television and no matter how many times he clicked his remote. Although it was supposed to be a relief, he could not stop his heart from aching nor could he keep his mind from wishing to see his father again.

That morning was yet another regular morning, where whatever sunlight that could fight through the thick clouds of pollution shone into the high glass windows of the mansion. The boy opted to eat his breakfast in his room yet again, as he had done since his inception into his new family. But like he had done since his arrival, he had poured his soymilk down the drain, flushed his congee down the toilet and thrown his toast out the window for the flocks of pigeons to eat instead.

From his room window, he could see his adoptive father strolling down the walkway from their grand front porch, all the way down to his newly bought Lexus, which was parked next to his 3-month old Ferrari — both sitting comfortably next to the empty space that was meant for the Hummer that would arrive from special order next week. The boy eyed the middle-aged man with disgust and all but spit down at the man from his position on the window sill.

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The Blood of Coal 1

Posted by: Shelly on: July 13, 2007

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Little Master is doing it again.
Let’s not tell the Miss, for his sake.
If only he could watch cartoons like a real kid.
Let’s just pretend that he is, to make us and the Miss feel better.

While he heard the two maids hoarsely whispering to each other in their not-so-hushed tones, he pretended not to care. If they were kind enough to sympathize with him, he would not complain. In fact, he felt extremely grateful for the two maids, who could understand that he needed to be this way more than anything in the world. His round light-brown eyes remained fixed to the television in front of him, with his short 8-year old legs hanging over the couch and small 8-year old hands gripping the remote so tightly that — had they not been 8-years old, could have crushed it to pieces.

On one side of the flat-screen plasma television stood a clean-cut woman dressed in a pale pink dress-suit and white heels with her microphone held tightly up to her mouth, a complete contrast to the blackened and muddy backdrop of which she stood. The boy, and nearly every other citizen in the country would recognize this woman, had they even watched the news once in their lives. She was the pale and delicate Miss Zhang, whose speech was clear as the waters of Hunan and rang louder than all of the angry mother’s in China.

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家姐 (Sister)

Posted by: Shelly on: July 6, 2007

The day was Wednesday and the sun was only thirty-three minutes away from touching its flesh-burning orange-red image to the cool blue-green body of water so vast that it could only have been an ocean and nothing else. From afar, one could believe that the tourists had all left and that the day was at an end judging from the seemingly straight and undisturbed line of the horizon. But at a closer look, one would notice two figures, one taller than the other but both so tiny that no quick-glance out the window would ever catch.

“We’re here.” the taller girl said, shaking free her long-bony fingers from the short and stubby ones of her younger sister. “Just sit here.”

And so the younger girl sat, exactly where they had stopped and exactly where her older sister’s toes had pointed and not a centimeter to the left or right of that spot, and said not a word. Not a word about whether their parents knew they had gone out, not a word about the evening-Disney movie that was going to show on television that night, not a word about the cookies on the table she had planned to eat, and not even a word about the hermit grab that had tickled and pinched her small toes.

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Bike

Posted by: Shelly on: June 6, 2007

Once, I tried learning to ride a bike.

My parents said they would teach me and help me. So I got on my bike.

“I’ll catch you if you fall.” My dad said, holding onto the back of the bike.

Then I started to go…and I felt a hard push. “Daddy! Mommy!”

“Don’t worry, we are right behind you!” I heard my mom call behind me.

I heard myself laugh and giggle — until a rock stopped me.

I began to wobble. I waited for my dad to catch me. I waited for his strong arms to bring me to safety. But they didn’t come.

Soon, my frail body met the ground. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. But it wasn’t from the cuts and forming bruises. It was what I saw when I turned around.

No one was there. Nothing. I remember running back to the house.

The door was locked.

No Big Deal

Posted by: Shelly on: June 6, 2007

It was the first day of 3rd grade, when girls hung out with girls and boys hung out with boys. Each hung out with their own groups, while I stood alone and watched.

Some girls talked to me, but I could not comprehend. They just kept laughing, staring and pointing. But at what?

During PE, we had to run a lap. The girls asked me to join their race. I felt my heart soaring over the very clouds above my head. So I got ready.

“1…2…3!”

I bolted straight ahead. But what was this laughter? Where were my new friends? I slowed to a stop. There they were at the starting line, laughing.

The next day, they asked me to race again. “On three! 1…2…3!” The two girls shot forth, while I stayed back.

My heart raced. They were going? I willed my feet out of their slumber and ran. Ran with all my heart. “Wait! Wait for me!” I heard myself yelling.

More laughter and I watched them disappear ahead of me.

The day after, I came ready for another race.

“Ready? 1…2…3!” I ran forth this time. But I felt the emptiness around me before I even started. Behind me was more laughter as my new friends ran the other way.

My vision became blurred. Tears rolled down my cheeks and dripped their sorrow upon the grassy earth beneath.

I ran and I ran, ignoring the honks of cars and screams of women. I ignored the whistle of the policeman. My heart was burning.

I ran until I could hear my heart beat in my ears.

It began to slow. THUMP. Thump. thump. thump. …

Slow…slow…stop.

***

Darkness. My heart yearned to pump for something that wasn’t there. The bright sky above dimmed as the skyscrapers loom down upon me. Silence.

Jolt. A shock shot through my body. “Clear!”

Shock. Bolts swam through my veins. “Clear!”

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

“She’s alive!”

Voices? Oh, my hearts running again. I should get going.

Tsunami ‘04

Posted by: Shelly on: June 6, 2007

For the victims of the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake.

I sat in a dirty corner of the backyard and watched as my father swung my cousins round and round. I watched as my mother pushed my sister on the swings. I heard myself call out, “Can I play?”

And I heard that same voice echo back. A hollow, empty echo that was soon surpassed by the giggles and delightful screams of the scene in front of me.

That night, I sat in my room and looked out the window. The first star of the night had appeared. And slowly, I willed myself to whisper:

“Star Light, Star Bright
First star, I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish, I wish tonight”
….“I wish my mommy and daddy would love me.”

I laid in bed and cried myself to sleep. The next morning I watched the news. Tsunami disaster in Southeast Asia. All around me, I heard voices.

A little boy in Indonesia cried to the skies above:

“Star Light, Star Bright
First star, I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish, I wish tonight”
….“I wish my mommy were here by my side.”

A little girl in Sri Lanka wept to a sun that was hidden by the clouds:

“Star Light, Star Bright
First star, I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish, I wish tonight”
….“I wish my daddy didn’t save me.”

A group of children in Thailand sobbed in unison by a weak fire fueled by twigs:

“Star Light, Star Bright
First star, I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish, I wish tonight”
….“We wish our mommies and daddies would breathe again.”

As I smelled pancakes from the kitchen and heard the ruffling of the newspaper…I smiled. That night, I looked up at the starry sky with fascination.

“Thank you.”

Regret

Posted by: Shelly on: June 6, 2007

Each day when the sun had set and all of us children had eaten our dinners, we would sit outside of the purplish-red steps that led up to the porch of my grandparent’s humble home. It was the only house of white and on a block full of yellow, pink and lime-green colors, and the only one that housed a Chinese family on a block full of Mexican families. Yet everyone had one thing in common: no one spoke English.

The front lawn could not exactly be called a lawn since everything was cemented. You could tell that the family did the job on their own because the ground was full of lumps and was extremely uneven. A metal fence surrounded the small fifteen-by-forty feet yard as it was with nearly every other house in the vicinity. Although the flimsy fences would never prevent against actual intruders, it gave everyone a sense of very much needed security.

The four of us eldest grandchildren claimed the steps for ourselves, one small body to each step, from oldest to youngest, top to bottom. Being the second oldest, I sat on the second step from the top, with my older sister above me and two younger cousins below, respectively. Sitting in a circle on the ground would be much younger children, sometimes just my younger cousins and sometimes the children from next door joined us. Despite the fact that one spoke Chinese and the other Spanish, everyone got along fairly well in their game of duck-duck-goose, hop-scotch, and cops-and-robbers.

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